A Being of Dreams

Assalamualaikum.


30

I am flesh, bone, skin and dreams.

A heart of ambitions and wishes, yearning and wanting. But only ever truly watching. No sweats, no tears; just whistles and cheers. Sitting in the sidelines as one of the masses. The below, the beneath, a silhouette where light flashes.

Veins green and swollen with envy, blood flowing red and tainted with pity. Looking up at the stars that found home in the skies. Reaching out for their beams, only to fall behind.

Limbs intact and unmoving, feet stuck to the ground. Head afloat and unguarded, mind up in the clouds. Many a thoughts, all of them sheer; most parts longing, equal parts fear.

To the stars, I am distant. To the stars, I’m unseen.

I am only just a being of far too many dreams.


And that is as far as I got with writing this little play on words. I hoped to have ended it on a high note, but I just can’t seem to do it.

There was this short story competition. I worked on my story from the very day that it was announced. Pages of planning, thousands of words written, but a couple of days before the deadline, I stopped. The first few pages I was in love with. But I kept having to change the direction of the story, kept trying to add and remove characters, focus and unfocus on events I wanted to happen. And with two days left, I found that I just didn’t see the point. Everything suddenly seemed so useless. Lacking substance, lacking everything that I felt was expected from the competition and lacking everything I wanted from a story that’s to be read. I kept looking over at other’s work (even though these were stuff that had nothing whatsoever to do with the story I was writing), and went into a downwards spiral from there onward.

For days I kept thinking how long I’ve been doing these kind of things and how I’ve never gotten anywhere with it. Things have been progressing very slowly in so many aspects of my life. So slowly that I doubt that they’re even progressing at all. And that thought really had me feeling down. This little piece is a reflection of that.

And I don’t know if I feel alright yet. I still can’t seem to find that high note – at least not in this particular aspect. The only reason I wanted to share this at all is because I made a promise to myself that I’m not focusing on perfection with Wendystrucked. I will pride myself in failing. I’ll keep record of it. So here’s a record of it. (One of plenty, I know).

But I do want to leave this post with something that have brought a little bit of hope in me. My favourite youtube channel is back with its fourth season, and my favourite creator created a video that really hit home.

Enjoy the video, and I hope to see you on a happier note next time.
With love, Iween.

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7 thoughts on “A Being of Dreams

  1. Wa’alaikumsalam,
    I just want to say that I am impress with this one. Particularly with that paragraph where u mentioned of the competition. because that initiative to try to join is something, a step. And I kinda can imagine the “process” of you writing, drafting characters etc. I cannot put through words how i’m so happy to read that part.
    Although it didn’t end quite well this time, I can say well done for trying and keep trying. :)

    Like

  2. Waalaikumussalam,
    again this is another post that reach out inside of me just so I ponder about stuffs as well.
    I love that play on words <3

    Dreams and ambitions . We hoped they never diminished. They waver, our determination and as much I wish to be in a different page, I am in love with dreaming. Working them, not so much.
    We are in love with our dreams excitedly thinking of whats to come and yet we are afraid to move. That was the case for me.
    So much uncertainty and all but we move albeit slow.
    Iween,
    fight that wall. Knock on them if you have to and breathe. Dont forget to breathe.
    Stay Strong ;)
    -Aniyuuki

    Like

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